Beginners Paleo on a Budget

Paleo is ridiculously hard to stick to when your diet for years has consisted of wheat, fast food and soda. I am back on the train and have lost 14 pounds in three weeks which has kept me motivated.  I look forward to sharing more recipes and progress pictures (once you can actually tell, ha).

One thing I've found about eating Paleo as a somewhat busy office worker - less is more.  Making the easy recipes is amazingly satisfying.  I've been eating on a budget since my boyfriend moved out and doubled my bills. With $46, I got the following from the grocery store:

• A pineapple (Sprouts had them on sale for $1.25 ea.)
• A cucumber 
• Mint leaves
• 4 bananas
• 4 small red potatoes (some argue these aren't Paleo, I feel fine after eating them - especially after a workout, so I continue to indulge)
• Uncured bacon
• A 2.5 lb eye of round roast (beef)
• 2 chicken breasts
• A top sirloin steak
• Coconut flour
• Enjoy life chocolate chips
• Brussel sprouts (1 lb)

I have a lot of ingredients already since shopping for one is difficult.  For example, for my roast, I already had carrots, onions, and celery.  My 'big' purchases were the roast - which will feed me for three days - and the coconut flour. Woohoo! Shopping for a fit lifestyle doesn't have to be expensive!

Have any of you ever been to the restaurant Tucanos? Their grilled pineapple is to. die. for. I have been missing it, and made my own paleo-friendly version for when I have a sweets craving.  It's perfect and sooooo quick. 

Pan-Seared Pineapple

Ingredients:

1 cup Fresh pineapple, sliced or chopped

1 tsp Honey

1 tsp Cinnamon

1 tsp fat of your choice (butter, coconut oil, etc)

Heat the oil on medium-high heat in a skillet (I do not use non-stick so that I can achieve ultimate browning).  Once bubbly, toss in the pineapple.  Sprinkle cinnamon over it. Flip pineapple after 1-2 minutes (it should be golden brown).  Once flipped, drizzle honey on top.  Cook 1-2 minutes longer and voila!  The outer edges taste like caramel from the honey/pineapple combo. 

Dark Chocolate Cherry Walnut Skoshes

Hello, readers! 

Yeah. We Couldn't think of anything else to call them. ;) 

This summer, I tried my very first Kind Bar…and fell deeply, madly in love.

Particularly with the Dark Chocolate Cherry Cashew; so many awesome ingredients in one little bar.  Unfortunately, they aren’t Paleo, considering the other ingredients consist of peanuts, sugar, glucose, soy lecithin, and whole milk. I thought my newfound love was lost forever… I was selling a few at work the other day, and noticed we had dried Bing Cherries. 

So last night I decided to remedy this problem by making my own. Jonni thought they were incredible, and today my coworkers inhaled them before I could say “please leave me one!” Try not to eat these in one sitting. 

INGREDIENTS

2/3 cup Pecans
1/2 cup Walnuts
1 cup Large Flake Coconut
1/3 cup Cashews, (Optional: soak for 15-20 min and drain)
8 large Medijool Dates, halved and pitted
1 cup dried Bing Cherries, PLUS 1/2 cup
1/4 cup Dark Chocolate Chips, PLUS 1/4 cups
1 1/2 TBS Vanilla Extract
Dash Salt
Desiccated Coconut Flakes to coat

DIRECTIONS

1. Add all ingredients except for the 1/2 and 1/4 cup cherries and chocolate chips (respectively) into your food processor; chop until coarsely ground.

2. Add the remaining cherries and chocolate chips, and pulse for about 15-30 seconds. You’ll want chunks of cherries and chocolate! (Half of the walnuts could also be added at this time to keep some large pieces intact.)

3. Using your hands, roll into small balls and coat with Desiccated Coconut.

4. Store in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to a week, or freeze.

Health and Paleo Information and Resources (Pt 1)

Hello, readers! 

As Promised... 

Exciting, I know. The long anticipated Paleo information post is finally here, only a year and four months later than I promised. Yeesh. This post is one I have posted for my own blog, but I wanted to share it here as well. 

Green. Organic. Sustainable. These terms used to sound so...weird. I remember as a kid going to the co-op and health food stores with my mom in Albuquerque... I felt like it was nothing but hemp-covered college-age hippies smelling like incense and munching on sprouts. (A college age hippie which I now appear to be. Way to judge, self.) My mother would grind her own almond and peanut butter, and buy items such as Tahini, Couscous, Coconut Milk, and Baslamic Vinegar. Items which (minus the couscous and peanuts) are now staples in my home. At the time, these were her special and incredibly expensive treats, hidden away in our cupboard, along with that chocolate she didn't think I knew about.

And I thought those foods and the places from which they came were strange. Thankfully, society as a whole has come a very long way, and my generation (in our mid-to-late 20s) has become much more aware of what we are putting into our bodies. My hope for our young son, who is about 98% Paleo / Primal, (thanks to his daycare; another post for another day), is by the time he is our age or younger, this healthy lifestyle will be normal, mainstream and less frowned upon than it is now. 

Case in point: recently, U.S. News "Best Diets Overall" rated the Slim Fast Diet at number 13 in its list of highest rated diets, number 1 being the best. It rated Paleo at number 28.

That's right.

Drinking Slim Fast is apparently better for you than eating whole veggies, meats, fruits, nuts, etc. (Paleo!)  I know of and continue to encounter many people who have at some point followed one or more of the diets which rated higher, and the way the story usually goes is something along these lines: "Oh, I did _______ for awhile! Yeah, I lost about 20-30 pounds, it was great. I've gained it back, and then some, but I was pretty thin when I was on it. I'm not really sure what happened...hmmm..." And Americans, young and old alike, continue to become increasingly unhealthy. 

According to the America Heart Association:  

"Among children ages 2-19, about 1 in 3 are overweight and obese." Among Americans age 20 or older, 149.3 million are overweight or obese.  Overweight adolescents have a 70% chance of becoming overweight adults. This increases to 80% if 1 or both parents are overweight or obese." 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states, 

"There was a dramatic increase in obesity in the United States from 1990 through 2010."

In my earlier years, I followed some of the top rated diets, only to have my weight balloon once I was done until I was in fact obese. (Even if I refused to admit it.) I can tell you from personal experience: what we have been doing clearly isn't working. 

The interest in becoming more healthy has existed since I was a teen, but as previously mentioned (see my initial posts: 1, 2 and 3), it wasn't until I had my son in 2010 that I learned what our bodies actually want and need to thrive. Since then, I have developed the desire to educate myself on natural health and nutrition, and share what I have learned based on my research and personal struggle. The answers to effectively treating what adversely affects us can clearly be found within our diets, and remedies to these issues lie at our fingertips in natural sources. 

(For instance: sources such as Elderberry, Garlic, Oil of Oregano, echinacea, etc, can be used to fight off the flu in a way which doesn't destroy your body's natural antibodies.) Discovering this has led to my interest in becoming a Nutritional Consultant, which is something I am currently looking into. In the mean time, I'm able to share what I know at the job I currently have.

 While the job (at my local health store) can be frustrating at times, I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity to share with people what I have learned about health and wellness. Most of them have suffered from ailments for years, and haven't known that they 1. can in fact become healthy without pumping their bodies full of medications with bizarre and often harmful side effects, and 2. can accomplished better health by, as previously mentioned, simply changing their diets. People with ailments such as inflammation, high blood pressure, Diabetes, Attention Deficit Disorders, depression, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), even common colds and obesity (to name a few) come into my work and ask for natural remedies, because nothing else they are trying seems to be working. I first recommend they take a look at their dietary habits, and offer to help them pinpoint the most likely culprits. Many people are relieved to know changes can easily be made, and have expressed gratitude when they find their health rapidly improving as a result of eliminating the offenders from their diets. It's amazing what a few small changes can accomplish.

It is important to note: I remind them that I am not a doctor, and am making recommendations based on individual research, albeit quite thorough. A few things in addition to making dietary changes are emphasized as well:  

1. They should discuss their health issues with a naturopath or homeopathic physician. An impressive majority of my customers who had previously debilitating issues (and had seen doctors all across the country without getting better) found incredible success in natural healing once they finally consulted with either of the afore-mentioned. More often than not, those physicians actually have them do elimination diets and eventually follow something more akin to Paleo or Primal. 
2. Everyone, not just those who are in need of obvious health improvements, should begin taking good daily multivitamins, an Omega 3-6-9, and a probiotic, at a minimum. (I'll get more into that in a future post.) 
3. Drink more water! Way, way more. This is something which is so neglected, and so important. It can even help you sleep better. 
4. If you are trying to achieve weight loss, specifically, ignore the Raspberry Keytones, Green Coffee Bean Extract, and weight loss pills. The most important thing is to once again change your dietary habits, and the rest will follow.
5. Learn to center yourself, and work through your stress. Not around it, through it. Stress and anxiety are a HUGE contributing factors in how severe a condition can become. Management and improvement are both much easier said than done, and it can honestly be a little offensive to hear someone tell you, "just stop being so stressed out." Fortunately, this is also something I have personal experience with, and learned how to process through extreme stress and anxiety. If I can do it, I have faith you can too. (More about this later as well.) 
6. 
   

Just learning to breath can help! 

I also do not typically recommend they immediately jump into something extreme like Crossfit, but rather begin with moderate exercise to get into the swing of things. (I will also get into THIS at a later time...I can hear peeved Paleo gasps across the board as I type!) 

Thankfully, I have some really wonderful resources at my fingertips, and refer my customers to them as we discuss what they are dealing with. In almost every case, "food allergies" are identified as one of the primary causes or irritants of their issue. I want to share some of the fantastic non-Paleo specific resources which I have purchased and studied at length on my own time include but are not limited to the following: 

 The Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine 

Murray and Pizzorno

Prescription for Nutritional Healing
 Bach

Nutrition Almanac
Kirschmann

The next two may seem a little "out there", but they have proven to be extremely reliable and helpful resources as well! 

Homeopathic Remedies: A Quick and Easy Guide to
Common Disorders and
Their Homeopathic Treatments
Hershoff

 Indian Herbalogy of North America:
The Definitive Guide to Native Medicinal Plants and Their Uses, Hutchens
 (Older book, but very helpful for cross-references)

Next up: Paleo resources! 

National (Paleo) Chocolate Cake day!

I'm officially changing my favorite holiday from Thanksgiving... to National Chocolate Cake day. Yessss. This is a fat kid's dream day. It just so happens that I am also PMSing, so when I found out today was the day that we celebrate my favorite food... I was ecstatic. Elated. Overjoyed.

Ok, ok. I'm officially a fat kid. Whatever. Try my damn cake. I used Civilized Caveman's Apple Pumpkin Butter for my base... you'll die and go to heaven if you make that stuff. I ate it right out of the food processor. I felt like such a cheater, because it's seriously so delicious that it can't possibly be good for you. Since I couldn't decide what to do with it, (I literally made 3 quarts, and was going to inhale it if I didn't get creative), I thought, what the hell, let's put it in a cake!


And without further adieu...

Paleo Chocolate Apple Pumpkin Butter Cake

Okay, I know this is a really crappy picture... I've been lamenting that. But the cake is gone. So live with it.


\

Ingredients:

1/2 c. Coconut flour

1/2 c. Cocoa Powder

1 tsp. Baking soda

1/2 tsp. Sea Salt

1/2 tsp. Cinnamon

1 1/2 c. Apple Pumpkin Butter

5 Eggs, beaten

1/4 c. Honey (you can use more, but the apple butter is super sweet, so you may not need it)

1/2 c. Coconut oil, melted

1/2 c. Coffee, brewed

1/2 tsp. Pure Vanilla Extract

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9 inch cake pan (round or square).

Mix your dry ingredients (flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, sea salt and cinnamon) together and set to the side. Next, mix your wet ingredients together (apple butter, honey, eggs, coffee, coconut oil, vanilla).  Add in the dry ingredients.  Bake for 35 minutes. Let cool and either eat as is, or add some frosting. It's a very moist cake, so the frosting is up to you!

Chocolate Frosting:

Melt 1 70% Cacao Bar (I used Godiva since it's all I had) in with 1/2 stick of grass fed butter - or coconut oil if you don't want to use the butter. Add a splash of coconut milk. Let cook and then spread on top of cake.  I added cinnamon and a drip or two of vanilla. Delicious!

Paleo/Primal Recipe: Baked Chicken with Artichoke-Sundried Tomato Tapenade

Hello, readers! 

Finally something Paleo... 

I know that I am guilty of at least two things. One being that my posts are too lengthy. As in WAY too lengthy. For that I apologize. Hopefully I'll get better at this blogging business and learn to post concise, coherent thoughts. Don't hold your breath, though. Second, I promised to write about Paleo back in 2011, and never did it!! I didn't even explain what it was. So much for being a guest author. (Sorry Mary!) This will be remedied! I won't commit to a certain number of posts in a set timeframe, but I will do my best to come around more often. Tomorrow I hope to actually post Paleo information, and provide some external links and references for you to check out.  

Tonight, however, I am going to post a recipe for a hideous looking but incredibly delicious meal. Please, for the sake of your desperate little taste buds, give this recipe a try despite the fact that it looks like something that was scraped off the side of the road. I am super happy with how it turned out, and it smelled AMAZING. Seriously. I wish I could include some kind of "smell bite" to assist in wiping the inevitable future horror from your face when you see the photo. Maybe if I used my real camera... No. Probably not even then. 

Anyway, since we just went to Costco (can I name drop Costco?), there are huge jars of artichoke hearts, Kalamata olives, and sundried tomatoes lying around unused. I was thawing out chicken thighs tonight, and decided if I could do it right, that was be an awesome combination. My image search of recipes with those ingredients weren't promising until I saw these jars of "artichoke tapanade". 

This looks SO GOOD. I want to be back in Italy this second! 

For those such as myself who aren't familiar with the term, a tapenade is "a seasoned spread made chiefly with mashed black olives, capers and anchovies." First of all...barf. No offense, but anchovies gross me out. Therefore I have none in my cupboard. If you like them, more power to you! As for me, I will substitute and make my own darn tapenade, thank you! 

Besides, my new food processor hasn't been used too much recently, so I was excited to dust it off and give it a try. (Thank you Grandma! To say I was elated to get a food processor for Christmas would be an understatement. Not clothes. Not money. A food processor. This is how I know I'm getting to be a "real"/old mom, and 30 is in fact creeping up on me. ) 

So here's the "recipe". I say "recipe" because I didn't pay much attention to measurements, so get ready for zero specificity on my part. 

INGREDIENTS

For the Chicken

~ 6 boneless, skinless chicken thighs (organic, free range if possible)

~ Garlic Powder (Maybe a teaspoon?)

~ EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil - Enough to lightly coat the chicken)  

~ Freshly ground Sea Salt and Pepper to taste

For the Tapenade

~ EVOO (A splash... About 1-2 teaspoons?) 

~ Fresh Basil (A handful...1/3 cup, maybe?) 

~ Fresh Flat Leaf Italian Parsley (A huge couple handfuls...1/2 - 2/3 cup, not chopped) 

~ Fresh Garlic (3 cloves)

~ Kalamata olives (About 1/2 cup) 

~ Sundried Tomatoes (About 1/3 cup - the ones which are jarred and in oil, which I drained prior to adding)

 ~ Artichoke hearts, almost an entire giant jar. (I literally have no idea how much this was. Maybe 2 and a half cups? I eyeball everything... Also, If I had roasted artichokes, I would have used those instead. Holy moly those are incredible. I did not, however, and the regular ones were fine.) 

~ Sea Salt (Maybe 1/3 teaspoon; Lemon could definitely be substituted and probably taste even better.)

Optional ("Primal" version)

~ Shredded Manchego cheese (this is NOT a Paleo ingredient, but is a treat we use every so often. Manchego is a Spanish hard cheese made from...wait for it...sheep's milk. I KNOW IT SOUNDS DISGUSTING, but it isn't. I promise. It isn't "farmy"; rather, it's actually very tasty. Definitely worth giving a shot; people have eaten it prior to me explaining what it is, and have loved it. You can find it at the afore-mentioned Costco for a good price.)

I'm not pushing her "EVOO". This is just
so close to the face my manager made at
me that I feel obligated to use it. 

Let me just say I JUST learned that "EVOO" means Extra Virgin Olive Oil. I kept seeing it in recipes, and wondering, "What the heck is that? Oh well..." 

The only reason I now know is because someone came into the health store I work at and asked, and I had to in turn ask the manager like an idiot. Who in turn laughed at me, and then they laughed together. That was embarrassing. Clearly I deserved it, but still... (And THIS is why my posts are so long.) 

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees (F), and line a baking sheet (or dish) with tin foil.

2. Add all of your tapenade ingredients to your processor, and "chop until coarse. If you don't have a processor, you can finely dice everything and mix it together in a bowl. Which is what I did with everything until now. It sucks, but you'll survive. 

3. Blot the chicken thighs with a paper towel, and place in a large mixing bowl. Add a splash of olive oil, (Fine. EVOO.), and mix until lightly coated.

4. Sprinkle garlic powder, sea salt and pepper onto the chicken, and toss until similarly coated. 

5. Add the tapenade to the bowl, and mix again. 

6. Transfer to your baking sheet. Sprinkle with cheese if desired. 

Pre-Cheese.

7. Bake until juices run clear. Honestly, I kept reading to bake for 30-40 minutes, but ours were so flat that they baked in no time at all. It began to smell incredible, so I checked it after maybe 15 minutes, and they were almost done. Helpful, I know. 

I made these with mashed sweet potatoes (just cubed, steamed, drained and blended with a little local organic butter, sea salt and pepper) on the side. It honestly tasted like something I would have eaten at one of my favorite restaurants, without feeling overly full and exhausted immediately afterward! 

So there ya go. A truly fugly photo to encourage you to never, ever want to make this. Hopefully you do, however, and like it as much as we did. Good luck with those measurements!

Next post: Paleo information and links! 

Until then.... 

Paleo / Primal Zuppa Toscano

Um, hell yes. Hell. Yes. This Olive Garden knock-off soup is bomb diggity - there are no other phrases that could adequately describe it.

I read a few other posts on how to make this soup; I'm not saying mine is better or anything. I'm just saying mine is a little different.

P.S. I don't care if you are some kind of Paleo 'purist' who thinks potatoes aren't Paleo. I've read too many sites that dispute that fact.

Take a read below for the recipe.

Paleo / Primal Zuppa Toscano

1 lb. Sausage (italian, breakfast, apple chicken, turkey... whatever flavor you feel like today)
4 c. Chicken broth/stock
4 cloves garlic, diced (big ones - use 5-6 if you have smaller cloves)
1/2 Yellow Onion, chopped
1/4 Bunch of Kale
1 tsp. Red pepper flakes (optional)
1 tsp. oregano
1 c. sweet white wine
4 Small to medium potatoes (sweet potatoes, white potatoes, whatevs)
2/3 c. heavy cream
Dash o' salt and pepper

Brown your sausage in a pot - a dutch oven will work; I used a stock pot. Once it's browned, put it in a bowl and set aside. Throw your onions and garlic into your sausage grease and saute until onions look clear.  Once they do, throw in 1/2 cup wine and get that dark, greasy goodness off the bottom of the pot. Drink other 1/2 cup to instill bravery with your cooking prowess. Pour in your chicken broth, sausage and potatoes (we used some Yukon Golds since we had some from our pre-Paleo days that were going soft). Add your spices. Raise heat until boiling, then reduce to a simmer. Let cook ~30-45 minutes, or until potatoes are soft. Once they are, break your kale leaves away from the stems and put them in the soup. Let cook another 15 minutes or so.  Serve. Eat. Congratulate yourself. Drink another glass of wine for a job well done.

___________________________________________________________________________________
Note: I made this with garlic kale chips as a side... I suppose it was a suitable alternative to Olive Garden's nomlicious garlic breadsticks. 

Yes, I Said I Want a Faux Hawk. Ish.

Hello, readers! 

It has been far too long since my last guest post. Time flies these days... 

I want to share something non-Paleo related. It has to do with wanting something for a very long time, and finally going for it. This isn't a huge, life changing thing, but it is something that has proven very liberating, and I am beyond happy having done it. I want to note that the author of this blog, Mary, has been one of my biggest supporters. Thank you, lady!  

This has to do with hair. I have known so many women who would like to cut their hair short, possibly short AND funky, but are worried their partners won't find them attractive if they do, or it will make them look chubby because of their face shapes, or it's too youthful, or the often lamented "I would never have the guts, but always wished I did!" For some reason, our hair, (particularly its length), seems to be very defining for many women. I remember my mother telling me "short hair doesn't look good on heavy girls"; that really stuck with me, and encouraged me to shy away in my heavier days for quite awhile. Fortunately, that statement isn't true. I know plenty of women of all sizes who look great with short hair. Hair is just that: simply hair. It will generally grow back if you chop it off, and can be sexy at any length IF you have a good cut for your face shape. That doesn't mean no pixie cut for you because yours is more of a round shape. It means you need a certain TYPE of pixie cut. And if you talk to a stylist who tells you that you won't be able to pull off the style you want,  I highly recommend getting another opinion (or several) before ditching the idea altogether. I say this because many of the hairstylists that my friends and I have encountered have insisted we would either not like the cut we want and therefore won't cut it that way, or cut way more off than we very specifically asked them not to.

Therefore, I (carefully) took matters into my own hands this week. 

 Honestly, I don't usually suggest doing this. I've been trimming and cutting my own hair for years with zero professional training, and half of the time I regret it immediately. This time I researched, studied photos, watched videos, and was very certain I wanted to do it myself before I did it. All with a knowledge that I could in fact end up looking like a four year old took her training scissors to my hair after sticking a wad of gum in it. This would have sucked, but not as much as it has in the past. And from professional hands at that. 

I have been struggling with my hair since I ended up with a HIDEOUS cut back in 2010.  (We will re-visit this shortly). Background: I haven't had short hair since the fourth grade. That...was a royal disaster. 

When I was little, it was adorable; I had beautiful curls which straightened when we moved to a drier climate. Which wouldn't have been a problem, except I hit puberty and my mixed roots literally began to show...in the form of a mini-afro in the back. Which tangled...and tangled...and tangled. My hair is this ridiculous mix of super tight curls in the back, long spiral curls on the bottom, frizz on the top, and nearly straight bangs. So is the plight of many a mixed chick (I am Irish, Cherokee Indian and African American).

A tom-boy at heart, I HATED combing (or let's face it, washing) my hair. I would brush the top layer down over my rat's nest and put it in a messy ponytail. One day I got fed up, took my mother's kitchen shears, and cut out a huge snarl from the back. Stared at myself for a minute...then ran to my mother to ask for help. And ended up looking like THIS for the next three years.

Poor former me.

The bangs...
WHO LET ME NEAR A CURLING IRON?! 

As if the glasses and hair weren't enough.
Holy eyebrows! 

I had a mullet. A legit mullet. Thanks, Mom. I refused to let a professional cut my hair after that until I turned 19 or 20. I was mortified and terrified to say the least... To think a professional did that to my hair.  

Anyway, from that point on I saw short hair as terrifying and not something I thought I would ever want, and adopted the opinion that long hair was CLEARLY much more feminine. I carried this with me for years, and it wasn't until late 2009 that I even considered going short again. By then I had been stuck with the same hair for years (the hair in my "profile picture" at the beginning of each blog post). A change was needed desperately, and the day I did it I was elated. I loved it at that length, to my surprise.

This is the photo I took in with me when I cut it short, and she actually did a great job. I have no idea where all the photos of my actual hair are. I was with my ex at the time, so they are probably still smoldering in a trash can somewhere.
(Maggie Gyllenhaal, Stranger Than Fiction) 

A few months later, I was pregnant with my son in hot, sweat-inducing North Carolina, and couldn't stand it for one more second. I wanted to go for a cute, Pink-ish pixie cut, but settled for something longer. A few months later, I went in for a "trim"... (A TRIM!). My usual girl wasn't there, so I ended up with someone I didn't know. I was very specific about how I was trying to grow my hair out into a "long A-Line Bob", and didn't want her to take much length off. When we started, it was a little shorter than her hair in the photo above, but I still had a decent amount of length to work with. So the stylist turns me away from the mirror, and says she's going to give me something I will love...


Wait, what? 

Um... No please...? I just wanted a trim? Hello? 

Ahhh....Help? 


 And I ended up with this mess: 

No really. This is what I ended up with. SHE EVEN CUT MY SIDE-BURNS OFF!  I was LIVID. 

To say I cried myself to sleep that night would be an understatement. Wait for it....

Maybe that's because she no kidding gave me a jheri-curl.  She scrunched it and then got really excited and said, 
"Don't you DARE straighten this! You look so fine! Make sure you scrunch those curls... work it!"

What? What is so fine? What are you looking at? 

WHOSE HEAD IS THAT??! 

Oh Missy Elliot...  

  I literally didn't recognize myself. I was four months pregnant, overweight, exhausted, nauseated, sweating my butt off, and now fit perfectly into my mother's assessment of how terrible short hair looked on chubby girls. I barely went out in public for months afterward, and couldn't believe I had ever, EVER wanted to cut my hair short.

When I emailed a friend with photos of the botched job, she sent the gem on the right back to me. Haha Jerk...


My friend at that salon (who usually cut my hair) corrected it for free, but it was hard to work with for a long time after that.

May 2010

And from then on, no one really seemed to know what to do with it. They would just frown and say "you'll have to wait until it grows out." So I was stuck with this weird cut for what seemed like forever...  Had I been given creative control over the cut, it could have turned out rad. But I hated this. I hated every minute of every day that passed as I tried to grow it out. Misery pretty much sums it up. When women try to tell me sob stories about their "messed up haircut", and I see their hair is still somewhere past their collarbones, I have to suppress a snicker. Girl, you have no idea. Be glad she only cut an extra inch off.

This is what it looked like over this past summer... 

A couple years have passed, and by this past summer it had finally grown back to the top of my shoulders.  The trauma of that experience has since subsided, and I can look back with amusement and provide a cautionary tale. I have patiently waited to cut it, sticking with trims this entire time.  This past fall I began going back and forth between whether I should continue to let it grow out or take advantage of its relatively short length. I finally decided over the winter that I want do something funky with it before I commit to a longer length.

This haircut which I have envied for years is a long kind of faux-hawk (ish). My last reservation over doing it was that I know the one-side-shaved thing is very in right now. With it being so long, that's kind of what it will look like if I style it so it is lying down on one side. Personally, I hate going with trends. I really do. But the fact is I have been looking at photos of faux hawks for years; in fact, my mother was my original inspiration. 

My mom, circa 1982

She rocked an actual mohawk in the 80s during her punk rock years, and while I don't want to go that far, I think she pulled it off like no one's business.











So, I have wanted some combination of the following cuts: 

The gorgeous Miss Ruby Rose... Her hair is always awesome! I think hers was one of the first cuts I saw that really made me wonder if I could pull it off. I loved the concept of it being so short AND "long". 

This one sold me, although I don't think it's short on both sides...
  For the record, her hair is what sold me. Not her heinous makeup. *shudder* 

And this one. This photo... 

I couldn't stop looking at it. Every day I have been looking at this photo longingly. I am truly jealous of this girl! After obsessing for a long time, I finally went for it. Almost.. 

I decided to keep my length, and not to shave it close to my head yet. I literally just grabbed my trimming shears, and carefully went to town on both sides with Mary's observation and input. We Skyped the event, and she snickered away as I began what could either ruin my hair or make it everything I wanted...

How I wish for all our sakes that I looked half as glamorous as the chick in the photo above.
But it was 2am... So this is what you get. 

Also... wrinkles much?! Remind me not to make this awful face! 

About fifteen minutes later, this is what I ended up with: 

I was STOKED once it was finished! This is what it looks like on both sides, depending on how it's styled.  

The next morning, the first thing I thought of was my hair. My eyes popped open, I leapt out of bed like it was 12-year old Siobhan's birthday, and raced to the mirror to see if I still liked it. It needs some tweaking, but I didn't just like it, I adored it. This is what it looked like with pretty much no effort on my part whatsoever: 

On the way out the door the following morning...
(Don't be jealous of my iPhone quality photo... ha)

I love it. I love it I love it I love it.
(Can you tell I'm trying not to grin from ear to ear?)

I could honestly not be happier with it. It was about time that I took a chance on something I have wanted for years, and it's kind of a huge relief. I feel...liberated. Thankfully, I have an amazing partner who genuinely supported this kind of risky (or foolish, depending on how you want to look at  it) endeavor. But I didn't do it for anyone besides myself. And I feel oddly sexy for the first time in years; in fact I mentioned this morning to someone that it's almost more girly than what I am used to. It matches my personality perfectly! (And if I want to visit my Great Grandmother without giving her a heart attack, I can just part it less deeply on one side, and it looks like a short bob. Then you can't even tell either side is "weird".) 

So if there was a style you really wanted to go for, we say knock yourself out. Just make sure you are prepared to possibly hate it! Try to modify it enough so you can look professional when you need to (i.e. the aforementioned "bob"), but still rock it out when you're on your own time, and overall, have fun with it! It is, after all, YOUR hair. 

Next post: Paleo updates! 

Until then....